Dementia's Rocky Road

Dementia
The term dementia is short for Senile Dementia. This is my father's current diagnosis. Although dementia can progress into Alzheimer’s in the later stages, dementia has also been known to hang around for quite awhile.

Reality
The reality of Senile Dementia is that although the most recognized symptom is memory loss or confusion there are other more intimidating symptoms. These symptoms can be anger, frustration, verbal abuse, and violence. Senile dementia is defined as a disease caused by degeneration of the brain cells. It is different from normal senility in the elderly in that the patient's brain function will gradually deteriorate resulting in progressive loss of memory and metal abilities, and noticeable personality changes.

My World
My father is now in the nursing home for the continued therapy and healing of a broken hip. He is healing well from the fracture and has progressed to therapy using a walker. His diet and COPD are stable. However, his dementia has progressed to the "nasty" part. He is verbally abusive, demands to be taken home, threatens to walk out of the nursing home, threatens to shoot himself in the head and end it all, swears at everyone, throws things, and refuses to take his medications. He often slaps the pills from the nursing staffs hands and throws his drink, usually coffee, across the room.

Doctor Ben
We have been blessed with an excellent physician whom we refer to as Dr. Ben. He was made aware of the change in Dad's behavior and his take was simply, "So Dad won't take his chill pill, eh?" This pretty much summed it up. He assured me that dementia treatment is as individual as each patient. There is no magic pill to make them behave or to bring back the person they used to be. The most you can hope for is to stabilize them and make their life more comfortable. He is trying another medication on my dad to see if it will help. But if he throws it across the room it may be hard to tell!

Family Perspective
At Thanksgiving I told my sisters it would be a nice surprise to visit Dad and Mom in January. Dad turns 80 on the 15th and Mom 78 on Feb. 8. They are both planning to visit and possibly bring some of their kids (now all adults). But, with this newest development, I believe I will ask them all to wait. It would be very hard for them to hear him rant about his care, his environment, and killing himself. I would hate for them and their children’s memories of Dad/Grandpa to be those. Explaining this to them is the hardest part of my role as caregiver. My son wants me to fix him, my sister wants me to remember him, and my Mom can't decide which behavior is really Dad. It is hard to make others understand, that the brain that was my father, is slowly disintegrating and that those parts that were his personality may be gone forever.

My View
One day at a time. I accept what is going on with Dad and accept the fact that I will be the bad guy in my role as his healthcare Power of Attorney. He knows it's my name on the paperwork that keeps him in the nursing home. But when I see the great care and patience they have for him and the improvement in my Mom's health since she has relinquished her role as caregiver, I know I'm doing the right thing. I don't know why, but when I visit, he listens to me and will behave. But I'm under no illusion, I know as soon as I leave, he is back at it. The best I can do is to make him take his medications while I'm there and give the nurses at least a dosage worth of peace.

Why Me?
I truly believe that God has a reason for everything that happens in our lives, good and bad; he uses them to prepare us for the future. I believe He has been preparing me for this role for many years. Now the patience and understanding I've developed will be tested to the utmost. I will manage, I have a loving supportive family, and daily I check in with the "Boss" for guidance and direction in all my decisions. Some days are harder than others, but then again, some days are better!